7 Ways for Couples to Stay Together

The outside world puts constant pressure on any relationship. Even the most secure partnership requires work and active maintenance to stay strong. But exactly how do you stop outside forces from loosening your ties of commitment to each other? Here are 7 ways to stay together, when everything is falling apart.

 

 

1. Be honest with each other

Everyone knows that honesty is the best policy, yet many partnerships ignore this fundamental rule. Even the smallest scrap of dishonesty is enough to put stress on the foundations of a relationship.

Scenario and suggestions:

“So, where’d you like to go for dinner?”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” you say.

That’s not true. You know you didn’t want to go to that one restaurant where the food is never hot, and really not that good. Now, either your partner will be able to tell you’re annoyed and keeps asking you all during dinner, “is everything okay?” or, you’ll be ticked off that they didn’t notice you were ticked off. So, what could have been a lovely dinner has gone left and could have so easily been avoided. Oh, and we both know what’s next, the tense quiet car ride home.

Yeah, that’s probably not going to end well.

Just be honest and keep your partner in the loop with the truth.

 

 

2. Maintain a united front with family

Constant family interference can skew how you see your partner. Maintain a united front around family, whether your partner is in the room or not.

Scenario and suggestions:

Aunt Lucy is over, as soon as your partner leaves the room, she leans over and says, “I heard your husband lost his job. If I were you-

This is where I’d respectfully interrupt Aunt Lucy and tell her, “thank you for your concern, but we’re good.”

Shut down meddling immediately and let unsolicited comments fall on deaf ears.

 

3. Set boundaries with friends

Close friendships cause rifts in a romantic relationship when a partner is not made a clear priority. Set clear boundaries with friends. Let them know when is best to call or visit so that quality time with your partner is not intruded.

Scenario and suggestions:

You and your partner are having movie night, enjoying that extra buttery popcorn you both love but know you shouldn’t be eating. You’re all snuggled up and comfy on the coach when your friend pops-up at your door wanting to talk.

I’d find out if it was and emergency and if not, respectfully explain that this is not a good time. “Me and my honey bunny are having some alone time. Call me tomorrow. Also, let me know when you’re thinking about stopping by to avoid awkward moments and to make sure my honey feels like company.

If they can’t respect your clear boundaries, time to rethink the friendship. I’m just saying.

 

4. Address problems now

Don’t let problems fester, air out disputes as soon as they come up. Do this calmly and compassionately, without placing blame. There are two viewpoints in a partnership.

Scenario and suggestions:

Your partner tells you her boss invited you both out to a jazz concert. Everybody knows you’re not a jazz fan.

“I said we’d be there.”

Now you’re completely annoyed. Hold on, before you lose it, take a moment to gather what you need to say, but take as long as you must so that you say it calm and respectfully.

Don’t cut each other off and please, please don’t go on a long rant that doesn’t allow the other person to get a word in.

Ask why they didn’t consult you first, and why is this so important to them?

You might learn that they needed you there for support and was scared you’d say no. Which let’s be real, you would have. You also learn they’re working towards a promotion and trying to get in good with the boss.

Listen to each other respectfully to find a compromise you can both live with.

 

5. Focus on the good

When life gets difficult, it’s easy to become lost in a spiral of doom and gloom.

Scenario and suggestions:

A loved one is sick. Your job is on shaky ground. Those are both hard to deal with things, but you’re still here and able to tell that loved one, how they touched your life. Offer them some comfort. Let’s not forget, you did get up this morning. Do something positive with the day you’ve been given. Take a moment more hugging your partner and if you have them, kids.

Try incorporating new fun into your life.

As for the job, update your resume and see what’s out there. After all, most folks change jobs every 5 years.

Try to notice the good things in your relationship, no matter how small they are, and focus on those glimmers of light in the darkness.

 

6. Keep talking

Communication is key. Be intentional about checking in with one another and expressing love and support. Even if it’s just a chat about the day over a sink of dirty dishes.

Scenario and suggestions:

Don’t always wait for your partner to come to you, engage them. You know their work has been stressful, ask them about their day. Conclude with supportive and encouraging words. Maybe say, let’s go for a walk, or drive and listen to some music while eating ice cream. I know, sounds awfully specific, yeah, one of my faves.

It feels good to offload and even better to receive a partner’s backing and support.

 

7. Carve out time to date again

Work, family, friends, and household responsibilities drain a couple’s quality time. Schedule regular date nights where you can reconnect and rekindle romance. Overcoming relationship problems takes two.

Scenario and suggestions:

You can’t remember the last time it was just you two without the kids and phones. Make some time. It doesn’t have to be clubbing at some rave. No, just put something on the calendar.

 know you have a big project coming up that’s going to require most of your time. No excuse. Schedule your date for times you’re both available. And don’t you dare cancel. Not the message you want to send to your partner.

If you have children, plan for a babysitter in advance. A reliable one. You can’t take them to a paint and sip.

Instead of allowing life’s challenges to divide you, nourish the love that holds you together.